I've been doing a lot, lately. School has been busy, I've been working on starting a new organization, I've volunteered for four planning committees for next year's Conference for Undergraduate Women in Physics, I've gone to career events, I've built a resume, I've sent a flurry of emails to various people, about everything from club business to inquiring about opportunities at Lockheed Martin, I've got my schedule for summer and fall planned, I've decided to declare an Area of Special Interest (which is like a minor, but fewer classes) in Space and Planetary Science and Engineering, and today I was dealing with the mess that is financial aid and paying for all of this. On top of all of that, a dear friend of mine is getting married in ten days, and I am maid of honor for her, and today her dad ended up in the ICU with clots in his brain. Oh, and there's the birthday party I went to, and rehearsals and planning meetings for the ensemble my mom and I sing in.
It's been a busy, stressful couple of weeks.
Mostly, I have been loving it. But I haven't had a whole lot of time to relax.
Today, I took a day off. Not from all the things I had to do-- obviously, I still had a lot to do, I couldn't take time off from everything-- but from being, well, me. The me that I have been, lately. The poised, confident, together, professional adult woman that I have been lately is awesome, but she is a little exhausting. I didn't really decide to take a day off; I stayed with my boyfriend for a night, so I didn't have a change of clothes or a hairbrush or anything, and I didn't get a chance to shower (because he doesn't have shampoo, and my hair is unmanageable without it.) So I put on one of his much-too-large-for-me t-shirts, and I threw my tangled hair back into a ponytail, and I let myself be a slob today.
I don't particularly like feeling like a slob, most of the time. I feel like I smell bad and that people will notice, or that they'll see the hairs that grow on my chin that I didn't get a chance to deal with, or they'll see how greasy my hair is, or how tangled it is. I always feel self-conscious when I haven't put any effort into my appearance, which may stun my friends, as I am not known to wear makeup or dress nicely terribly often. Dressing up has the opposite effect, for me-- if I look good, I feel better about myself. It's like putting on armor-- I feel more prepared for whatever life can throw at me.
But every once in a while it's nice to take a day off. Every once in a while it's good to remind myself that I don't have to be perfect all the time, that I am allowed to have off days, that I can get away with looking like a slob, that it doesn't really matter what they think (unless I have an interview or a presentation or something, in which case I'd dress up anyway).
Tomorrow I have to go back to being together; tomorrow is the inaugural meeting of the new SSA group at Mines, and I'm giving a presentation, and will be introducing myself as the president. I have to be me again for that. But today... today it was nice to not have that pressure.
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